Day 10 - Saying goodbye

Today was the most terrifying day of Case's life.  Our day began with a phone call from the NICU saying he wasn't doing well and to come up right away.  When we got there, they still didn't know what was wrong with him but were giving him antibiotics, blood, and platelets in hopes that it would help.  They had ordered lab work and an x-ray.  The x-ray showed that his intestine was inflamed which means he had an infection. He became a little more active and they said his color was better.  

As the minutes passed, the doctor was getting more information from his lab work.  We soon found out that Case had Pseudomonas. They said it was in his trachea and lungs. It also made his blood thinner so they needed to give him plasma. They said something about making sure it wasn't in his spine and brain and hoping they caught it early enough.  They also said something about it possibly turning in to meningitis.

We stayed with Case all morning but needed to come home for lunch/shift change.  I was still scared out of my mind but at peace in a way. I knew they were doing all they could and me worrying wasn't going to change the outcome. So I prayed and prayed.  The doctor told us the first 24 hours was the most critical so we made plans for our daughter to spend the night elsewhere so we could be with Case together.  

Seth visited that afternoon and took this video of our sweet boy.  Case was alert like this all day.  It was the most we had been able to interact with him since his birth.

 

That night, Seth dropped me off then came back after taking our daughter to her friend's house.  Case's heart rate was low and he wasn't responding to their efforts to bring it up.  Seth came about 10 minutes later and we sat hand in hand, watching the 6 medical professionals work on our son.  He had internal bleeding and there was nothing they could do to stop it.  A few minutes later, we were allowed to hold Case for his last moments.  Many tears were shed as we said goodbye to our little fighter.  

We are mourning the loss of our sweet boy.  We appreciate all of your thoughts and prayers.   

Day 9

Today was another good day!  Case is still intubated but he's doing very well with the breathing assistance.   There wasn't much change today except his weight.  He's up to 2 lb 11 oz which means he's over his birth weight!  Seth got to change Case's diaper today for the first time, and the nurse's started feeding him again.  When a preemie is intubated, they hold off on feeding them until they know there are no infections.  He was getting 3 cc feedings again today and they'll increase his feedings in 24 hours if he continues to do well with the amount. 
Here are some pictures.

 

 

Day 8

Today was much better!  When Seth first went to visit this morning, the nurse explained that being intubated again was not only normal, but expected.  Babies will do fine at first after being extubated, but will get worn out after a while and need to be intubated again.  Case made it 5 whole days before needing help breathing again!  The nurse said that it was amazing he made it that long.  He's such a strong little fighter.  

We were able to visit Case together tonight.  That was so nice.  Case is 2 lb 9 oz now so only 1 ounce from his birth weight!  The humidity in his incubator was turned off so now he can be swaddled.  He looked so cozy all swaddled up.  I was able to take some pictures with Seth's hand on Case.  It is amazing how small he is in comparison to Seth's hand instead of mine.  Small but mighty!

1 Week old - 29 weeks gestation

We were told the NICU ride was going to be roller coaster.  Today was the first downhill turn.  When Seth visited Case this morning, he had been put back on the CPAP ventilator.  I came to visit a few hours later and was so upset by how our poor little guy looked.  I couldn't see any of his sweet face and he was still having a very hard time breathing.  

To say seeing him like that was hard would be an understatement.  It broke my heart in to a thousand pieces.  About 20 minutes after I got there, his oxygen saturation started to drop.  He was having apnea about once a minute.  He just seemed so lifeless!  The nurses said they needed to intubate him again and asked me to wait outside the room while they did that.  When I was allowed back in, I could see some of Case's face again.  He was a lot more lively too!  Breathing on his own was wearing his little body out.

After picking Seth up from work, we went back to the NICU again.  Case was doing so much better and he wasn't under the bili lights anymore!  

It was a tough day but it ended well.  Happy 1-week birthday, little guy!  Mommy, Daddy, and big sister love you very much. 

Day 6

I didn't have a chance to visit with our little man until 5 PM today.  That was so hard!  Our daughter starts half-day preschool tomorrow so I'll be able to visit him every morning for a few hours.  Seth went back to work today for the first time since this all began.  He visited our guy at 5:45 this morning and visited again after we put our daughter to bed.  Working out times to visit the NICU is really tough because we both want to be there far more than time allows.  We pray that Case will get to come home soon, and we'll get to spend as much time with him as possible.

When I visited Case today, he had an apnea spell (stopped breathing) and a few bradycardias (heart rate drops).  The apnea was the most terrifying thing I've ever seen!  I know it's normal for a preemie but it is so scary to see your tiny baby stop breathing.  The nurse assured me that it's normal and said that he is able to correct it himself and that's what they're hoping for. 

On to the good news!  Case is still on 7 cc's of milk and is doing well with that amount.  They decreased the humidity in his incubator from 70% to 60% today.  The nurse told me she was amazed at how well he's doing and was absolutely astonished that he was off of the ventilator in less than 24 hours after being born.  He's been holding steady at 2 lb 6 oz for a few days but went up to 2 lb 7 oz today.  Tonight, he was 2 lb 8 oz!  Woohoo!  I got to do Kangaroo care with him again today as well.  The nurse handed him to me so I could get him in position myself and that was the first time I was able to hold his little body in my arms.  It still amazes me that he is so tiny but completely formed.  

And now for some pictures.

 

 

Day 5

Case is still doing extremely well.  He's on humidified oxygen and was on 2.5L yesterday.  They dropped him to 2L last night or this morning and he was down to 1.5L this afternoon.  He's off the antibiotics now too.  They give all preemies antibiotics as a precaution until they know everything is checking out.  He also had a chest x-ray today and everything was looking perfect.  

 

When I visited with him this afternoon, the nurse asked me if I wanted to do Kangaroo care (skin-to-skin) with him.  Ummmm... YES!!!  So she put him on my chest around 4:30 and told me I could keep him there until 5:30 as long as he tolerated it well.  He instantly passed out so we got to cuddle for a full hour.  I had tears in my eyes as she handed him to me because that was the closest I'd been to him.  I loved every moment snuggling with my little man.

They gave me his footprints today too.  Look how sweet!  My wedding ring is a size 5.25 for reference.

When we placed him back in the incubator, he opened his eyes and was looking all around for a few minutes.  Such a sweetie.

Today, they increased his feeding to 7 cc's!  That's such a tiny amount but he started at 2 cc's, was increased to 3, 4, 6, and now 7.  He's a little rock star!

Day 4

Seth and I both visited little man this morning.  He's being really feisty today!  He's really strong too.  While he was holding our fingers, he was pushing our hands around.  He was kicking a lot too.  It's really neat feeling his strength knowing that he's sooooo small!  

Today we were told that his heart rate drops on occasion.  That's normal for a preemie, but still kind of scary.  The nurse said he hadn't needed any interventions when his heart rate drops though.  He's kind of startled himself back to his normal heart rate which is a really good thing.  

Like normal, we were told how awesome he's doing.  His nurse today was shaking her head in disbelief that he's only 28 weeks.  She said he's preforming at a much older age since he doesn't need a ventilator and is on the minimum level of oxygen.  

Hadley made a card for her little brother today.

They turned off the lights for a minute so I was able to get a normal picture of his sweet face!

I adore his teeny tiny hands and feet!  His foot is the same length as my ring finger.

They increased his feedings to 6 cc's today!  

Daddy got to hold him again tonight too.  

Little man is just doing great  :)

Day 3

Seth and I both visited Case three times today.  We love seeing our little guy!

I got to hold him for a little while again today.  He's still under the 

bilirubin lights but they said that when the lights come off, we'll get to do
Kangaroo care (skin-to-skin) with him!  I'm so excited about that.

They increased his feedings from 2 cc's to 3 cc's today.  They also said his bilirubin level was 4.8 when they began treatment but was down to 4.  
He was 2 lb 10 oz at birth and has been maintaining 2 lb 6 oz the past 2 days.

The nurse tonight told me that someone must have forgotten to tell Case that he is a 28 week baby!  She said that he was quite upset about his dirty

diaper and babies don't start caring about that until they're 35+ weeks.

She also said he looks really tall for his age and just looks good in general.  I told her that we've been told how well he's doing but we're new to this and don't know what's expected and what's not.  She said they hesitate to tell parents that a baby is doing well because they don't want the parents to panic when/if there is a setback, but that Case really is doing great.  

That makes me so happy!

They gave him a new pacifier today and he was sucking on it when I came to visit the second time!

And here is little man, sleeping peacefully this evening. I know it's impossible to see how small he really is in pictures.  Today I realized that his arm from elbow to wrist is the same size as my pointer finger.  Such a teeny little trooper! 

Day 2

The second day, Case's ventilator was out!  We were able to see more of his sweet face.  The nurses taught us what kind of touches would aggravate him and what would be comforting to him.  

He was under the bilirubin lights to fight jaundice when Seth came to visit that afternoon.  And look how sweet!  He was sucking his thumb!!!  The nurse told us she was surprised he had found his thumb so early.  

That's our little early bird, lol!

   

When Seth came back to visit that night, Case's arterial line had been removed and we were allowed to hold him!  It was that moment that I first cried.  Nothing touched me more than seeing Seth hold his son for the very first time.  

 When I came to visit a few hours later, I was allowed to change his diaper and I got to hold him too.  Barely 2 days old, and this little guy has stolen my heart.

The whole time I was holding him, he was opening his eyes and looking around.  What a magical bonding moment. 

His first day

About 2 hours after Case was born, we got to go up to visit him.  We were still in total shock about all that happened! 

This is our boy.  He was 2 lb 10 oz and 14 7/8" long.  Although really early, he was big for his gestational age.  At just 2 hours old, we were already being told how well he was doing in the NICU.

 

We listened to everything they were saying but didn't have a clue what was really going on.  We were just happy that he was alive and we were getting to meet him.

Daddy read him a book that Hadley had brought.  His first story was "Bubbles, Bubbles" with Sesame Street characters.  

He was on 30% oxygen his first day.  That night, they bumped him down to 21% oxygen (which is what we breathe) and told us he would be off the ventilator soon.  The next day, the ventilator was gone!  He was already surpassing our preemie expectations.

"I may be little, but I am strong!"

The birth of Case

To begin, I'll share the short version of my daughter's birth.  Around 36 weeks, I went to my regular check up and the doctor said I was already 4cm dilated.  My daughter was breech so we were planning a c-section when she turned 39 weeks.  The doctor told me that it was very likely I would go in to labor before then, and if that happened, rush to the hospital as soon as I felt the first contraction.  We scheduled the c-section for March 4th.  On March 3rd, I woke up feeling "off".  I was supposed to take my husband to work.  Around 9, we decided to wait 30 minutes since I was feeling so strange.  At 9:15, I felt the first contraction.  Second one came 6 minutes later.  We grabbed the bags and were in the car by 9:30.  I was on the L&D floor in the hospital at 9:41 and that's when the contractions got really bad.  The checked me right away and said I was 5cm.  15 minutes later, they checked again and I was at 8cm.  They started prepping the OR for her delivery and checked me one last time.  Just 25 minutes after arriving at the hospital, I was already fully dilated and having pushing contractions.  She was safely delivered via c-section at 11:04 a.m.

The morning I went in to labor with Case, Seth was asking if I felt alright.  He kept asking all day because I apparently looked "off", the same way I felt "off" when I went in to labor with our daughter.  I had been having contractions for a week but didn't realize that's what they were.  That afternoon, I had a few that were bad enough to make me grimace.  It felt like Case was just balling up and pushing out against my lower belly.  That night, he was "pushing against me" a lot and it was hurting pretty bad.  Seth was at a football game that didn't end until around midnight.  Around 12:30, I was getting pretty tired and decided to go to bed.  It was at that point that I realized I was bleeding.  I was also beginning to think the "pushes" were contractions.  The two together had me freaked out but Seth still wasn't home.  I called him about 10 minutes later.  My good friend was also at the football game so she came rushing over to stay with our daughter so that Seth and I could go to the ER.  

We got the the ER and they sent us straight to L&D.  I just "knew" they were going to tell me I was crazy.  They'd check me, give me a pill, and send me home.  It didn't quite go like that!  They checked me and said I was 4 cm and the sac was bulging.  Holy crap!  They sent me straight to a room, hooked me up to monitors, put me on bedrest with my feet elevated and my head down, and started magnesium.  The next 18 hours were so scary.  I got the steroid shots for his lungs and was just very thankful for every hour he was still inside.  They managed to stop my labor 3 different times and after 62 hours, took me off the magnesium.  I was on procardia and they were waiting for a room to open up in Antenatal care so I wouldn't be on L&D anymore.  I was going to be on hospital bed rest until the baby was born.  My first goal was to make it to 28 weeks.  34 weeks was my longest goal.

On Wednesday around noon, the day I turned 28 weeks, Seth and Hadley came to visit me for lunch.  As we were visiting, they told me my other room was ready and I was going to get to move!  I had been having borderline contractions at about 40 seconds long.  I was only having 1 contraction every hour or two so it wasn't a concern.  I was moved in to my new room around 1:30.  Seth went home to put Hadley down for her nap and my friend was on her way to visit me.  At 2:15, my water broke!  I texted Seth and my friend to tell them.  She went to our house instead so Seth could come back to the hospital.  The contractions really started picking up around 2:40.  They put me back in a wheelchair and brought me back to L&D.  Seth was running across the floor as they were bringing me to a room.  That was 2:50 or 3:00.  The midwife came in to check me and said I was 8 cm.  They prepared the NICU team and 10 minutes later, I was pushing.  After 2 pushing contractions, he was born!  

As soon as he was born, he cried.  That was such a wonderful thing to hear because I know not all preemies do that.  They let me kiss him before they took him to the table for his NICU care.  Our lives were forever changed!