4th Birthday

Sweet boy, how has it been four years since we first met you?  I really don't know how time flies by so quickly.  It seems like just a week ago that I was in the hospital, meeting you for the very first time.  And yet, it also feels like my arms have been yearning to hold your once again for far more than four years.

We celebrated your birthday with a lumberjack theme.  This is your cover photo card.  I wanted something with a tree on it and when I searched, this theme came up and I figured with your birthday being in the Fall, it would be perfect for you.

This is your cake which is made to look like a log.  I made the chocolate bark which didn't go as well as I had hoped it would, but I'm also no professional, haha!  It was a chocolate fudge cake with chocolate fudge icing and chocolate bark.  

It was decadent and delicious.

At 3:34, the time you were born, I lit your candle.  This candle holder was a gift from a friend and I still adore it.  I'm so thankful she thought to get it for me.

We had pizza for dinner because Hadley thought your favorite food would be pizza.  She's probably right.  Would have preferred plain cheese or pepperoni?  

Here is your cake with your bear and your candle set up right by it.

We sang to you and then blew out your candles for you.  The cake was delicious!  We had a piece on a plate in front of your bear, and once our pieces were gone, we split yours up between daddy and Hadley.  

I wanted to get another Case tractor for you this year and it totally slipped my mind until Saturday.  I bought it but knew there was no way it would get to us by Monday.  Even though it had to travel all the way from the West coast to the East coast, and even though Sunday is a no-mail day, it somehow made it to my hands on Monday, your birthday!!! This is the second year we've had a birthday miracle involving your gifts and I'm absolutely sure you have a hand in that.  

We think about gifts we can give you every year and it's always a challenge.  This year, we were invited by a fellow loss mom to join her at a 

March of Dimes Gala just a few weeks ago.  We donated some money to 

March of Dimes and I consider that to be somewhat of a birthday gift to you, although it was also to honor Violet.  As a side note, Violet's mom and I think you two are probably best friends up there in heaven.  We assume you two keep your eyes on us and since we're often together, you two probably bumped into each other a few times.  I bet she's like a big sister to you.  

We also chose to get a tree for you this year, which is where your birthday theme came from.  We went to a nursery and daddy picked out an 8 ft dogwood tree.  It's a beautiful little tree and I love that we now have a memory tree of yours in our front yard.  I am looking forward to seeing it bloom this Spring.

Last year, two of our friends brought us gifts to help us celebrate your life.  This year, they both did that once again.  I cannot put into words how thankful I am for them and for the love they show to us, and therefore to you.  

One of the friends brought us a few things which included a buffalo plaid hat ornament to go with your birthday theme this year.  She said she saw it and knew it was perfect.  But at that time, she didn't realize how perfect it actually was because it happens that it fits your bear's head perfectly!

Some day this hat will be taken off, but for right now I just love it and so it's staying on your little bear's head.  Your bear is holiday ready!  

This birthday had a different tone to it than past birthdays.  During your first birthday, we desperately wanted it to be a celebration and tried soooo hard to be happy that day.  But with where we were in our grief journey, that literally just wasn't possible.  Your second birthday was a mix of grief and joy.  Your third was really hard once again.  But this birthday, we were able to focus on the joy your birth brought to us and had a beautiful day of celebrating you.  I am incredibly grateful for the healing that time has brought to us, but also want to make sure you know that you're never far from my heart.

Happy birthday, sweet baby Case.  

Even though you would be such a big boy now, you'll always be my baby.  

I hope you could feel our love for you reaching all the way to heaven.