When a friend loses her baby...

This is the "year of the babies" among my friends.  When I lost Case, I was the only one pregnant in my mom's group.  Then I was the only one who had a preemie.  And shortly after, I was the only one to lose a baby.  It was an awful place to be in and I had no one to turn to.  It was foreign territory to all of the moms my age.  They were there for me in ways I can't even explain, but I was alone in my journey.  Everyone felt for me, but no one knew my pain.

It's been almost 18 months now.  Hard to believe my little guy would be 18 months!  Walking, saying words, getting in to everything...  In that time, most of the moms have become pregnant.  Most of us have had our babies.  But one mom has not.  

Yesterday, I was hit with the news that her baby had passed.  This friend has had a very difficult journey up to this point and I truly thought this would be her happy ending.  However, going in for a routine check up, they found no heartbeat.  An ultrasound revealed he had stopped growing a few weeks prior.  And so, her happy ending came to a crashing halt.  Her 22 week baby, 2 weeks from "viability day", was gone.  

I heard the news and I broke down.  How can this be?  How can someone ELSE lose a baby?  It hurts my heart when I hear of losses.  I think of all the precious lives lost and how difficult life going forward will be.  But this time was different.  Because this is a friend, I could feel her pain.  It made the emotions of losing Case come to the surface.  For the first time in a while, my loss was raw and I had no choice but to cry.  I could see our roles reversed, me weeping at her son's service versus when she was weeping at mine.  I can see her shedding tears behind the wheel of her car on every trip she takes during the next few weeks or months.  I can see her breaking down in the middle of the grocery store because she's reminded of her loss and it's still so fresh.  I know her pain.  And now, she knows mine.

I was alone and unsure of everything.  I wanted someone who understood.  I wished no one else understood because the pain was so deep.  I didn't know how people pulled through this type of agony.  Now I will no longer be alone in this.  We will both have someone who knows and understands.  We will both always be missing our sons. 

Rest in peace, little baby.  You are very loved.