Three Month Birthday

I can't believe it's been 3 months since the day you were born.  It seems like just yesterday, yet a lifetime ago.  

This week has been harder than most.  Your due date, February 2, was Sunday.  It's crazy that you should have just been born.  I don't "check on you" in the back seat of the car as much now.  I'm getting more used to the fact that you're not here; I don't think I'll ever be okay with you being gone though. 

While I was pregnant with you, I had many friends who were due within a few weeks of me.  All but one of them has given birth now.  One has a baby in the NICU because she came 6 weeks early.  Seeing their newborns and getting updates from them has made this week especially difficult.  By now, you definitely would have been home.

The strangest thing is that I feel like your death is an impossibility.  In my mind, something happened that caused us to give you up for adoption and now you're being raised by another family.  I want to find you and fight to get you back.  I wish I had that option.  I think that I feel that way because I sort of did give you to someone else to raise.  I gave you to God.  Not willingly, but you left this earth and are with him now.  I wish you were with me.  I know you'll do just fine in heaven though.  It's us on earth that are missing out.

Your sister talks about you a lot now.  She says she's sad that you passed away.  She calls you , "My baby, Case."   Everyday, I see how good of a big sister she would have been/is to you.  I hope you can feel how much she loves you.  We all love you.  

Happy 3 month birthday, little one.

Love mommy