I can't believe it's been 3 months since the day you were born. It seems like just yesterday, yet a lifetime ago.
This week has been harder than most. Your due date, February 2, was Sunday. It's crazy that you should have just been born. I don't "check on you" in the back seat of the car as much now. I'm getting more used to the fact that you're not here; I don't think I'll ever be okay with you being gone though.
While I was pregnant with you, I had many friends who were due within a few weeks of me. All but one of them has given birth now. One has a baby in the NICU because she came 6 weeks early. Seeing their newborns and getting updates from them has made this week especially difficult. By now, you definitely would have been home.
The strangest thing is that I feel like your death is an impossibility. In my mind, something happened that caused us to give you up for adoption and now you're being raised by another family. I want to find you and fight to get you back. I wish I had that option. I think that I feel that way because I sort of did give you to someone else to raise. I gave you to God. Not willingly, but you left this earth and are with him now. I wish you were with me. I know you'll do just fine in heaven though. It's us on earth that are missing out.
Your sister talks about you a lot now. She says she's sad that you passed away. She calls you , "My baby, Case." Everyday, I see how good of a big sister she would have been/is to you. I hope you can feel how much she loves you. We all love you.
Happy 3 month birthday, little one.
Love mommy
