Dearest Case,
Life is a strange sense of normalcy. Everything is the way it was, but nothing is the way it should be. A few weeks ago, I had this strange feeling that I was forgetting something as I was walking out the door. After stopping and looking around the house twice, I realized it was you I was forgetting. My mind knew you should be with us as we were leaving and was "reminding me" to grab the car seat. Something similar happened as I was driving the other day. I looked in the back seat to see your sister and then glanced back to see you, only to remember that you weren't back there.
The other morning, I was sitting at the kitchen table as your sister was eating her breakfast. There was a strange sense of calmness in the house and it took me a minute to place the reason. Life shouldn't be calm and normal right now. Everything should be hectic. I have no doubt that you would have been home by now. Your daddy thought you'd be home by Christmas. My guess was New Year's Day. Now it's January 6th. You would have been home by now. I just know it. We would be juggling life with a newborn and a toddler. The calm moments at the table wouldn't be happening. Our bedroom and living room would be full of baby gear. My dresser would be a drawer short to fit your baby clothes. I'd be changing lots of diapers, teaching your sister all about babies, figuring out your nursing schedule, learning your personality, figuring out your cries, and not getting any sleep. But I can honestly say I would have loved every minute.
I get this sense that you're always telling me, "Don't worry, mom. I'm doing great!" I'm so thankful that I can "hear" you speaking to me. I hope the connection goes both ways and that you can hear the things I say to you too.
A dear friend drew some pictures as a gift for us. They will always be treasured.
We love you, Case. We always will.
